Happy New Year! I can't believe it's 2018 already Time really flies as you grow older. As I reflect on last year I want to apologize for my lack of blogging, it wasn't intentional. 2017 was one of those years I was ready to write off around mid-year. Every time I turned around I felt like I was being handed bad news about the passing of someone I knew and sub-consciously I just took a break from social media. I slowly stopped posting and checking Facebook and other social media sites that I use for support of my Crohn's and Short Bowel Syndrome. I think my mind knew that I needed a break from sad news (although it didn't stop sad things from happening) and wanted to protect me from a deep depression and focus on my boys and family.
When I reflect on those I lost last year there was a wide range of people from family, old friends, family friends and people I have through my advocating. Each death felt like a dagger in my heart. We lost Mike's mom, Lola, early in the year to a cancer diagnosis which took her much to quickly for us to comprehend. Lola was a second mother to me from before Mike and I got married. She was always there for me, Mike and the boys during my Crohn's flare-ups, surgeries and pregnancies. She showed me the love of Filipino culture, food and people. Her deep Catholic faith was inspiring and amazing, she always had a prayer and kind word. The whole family will always miss her.
Way back when when I worked for a health facility, I became friends with TC. She was the first person I knew with a port and it was a long time before I learned she suffered from lupus and was in kidney failure. She was needed dialysis several times a week and already a failed transplant. TC always had a smile on her face and you would never know what she suffered through on a daily basis because she NEVER complained about it. She is a shining example of how to smile through a chronic illness, this is what I from her and will always remember. While sitting outside with my mom not long after my hospitalizations in early 2010, she called me offering her support and love. She had understood what I went through and her smiling voice was a welcome comfort.
There were 2 deaths that really affected me because they both had Short Bowel Syndrome and I had become close to them through my advocacy work. J and his wife became friends of mine while I supported him for his SBS and TPN needs. He would always have something nice to say, was concerned about my health but didn't like to complain about his situation even at the very end. Life was tough for them since they lived in a rural area and didn't have much money, not many in their area understood what he was living with. He was the first person I knew with SBS that had passed away and it really bothered me.
Several years ago my ostomy nurse connected me with Mark. He had gone through an emergency surgery which resulted in SBS, TPN and an ostomy and was finally in a nursing home after an extended hospital stage. He was struggling with accepting his new body, TPN dealing with the ostomy and wanting to get strong enough to go home. We had many conversations on finding a "new normal" and learning how to live with the new way of life. Prior to his death, he had gone in for a bowel re-connection to get rid of his ostomy. I was able to see him while he was struggling with complications from surgery and he was hopeful that everything would turn out okay. At his funeral, his wife told me how much he thought of me and how our friendship had helped him accept and understand his new life. It still amazes me that I can make an impact on someone's life, I don't go about life with this intent, I just don't want people to feel alone when dealing with Crohn's, SBS, TPN or when going through a major life change.
By August, I was done with sad news and happily watched my niece get married. The Bride and Groom were radiant and are overwhelmingly happy. Sadly less than 3 weeks later my mom called with news that my cousin Karen had not woken up that morning. Karen was more than a cousin, she was a friend. We were in a "Bunco" group that no longer played but instead enjoyed each others company. We enjoyed many lunches and dinners out, her infectious laughter and story telling always made for a good time. She was also the first of our cousins to pass away, her funeral was one of the largest I had ever been to. She had dedicated her life to working with the elderly, her husband and daughters and it showed by the amount of people who came to pay their respects.
As you can tell I really needed time for myself in 2017 and hope that 2018 is much nicer to everyone. I missed many opportunities to inform people of webinars, iv drug shortages, insurance changes and just what life is like living with SBS, IV hydration and an ostomy. I will miss Living, Loving and Laughing with all the ones that have passed on. In my view of Heaven, they are all well and good while Living, Loving and Laughing at and with us from above. In the words of Karen I am hoping 2018 is a "That's Good Stuff" year!
Mahal Kita to all,
Michelle
(Mahal Kita means "I love you" in the language of the Phillipines)
