We all joke about what being normal or not being
normal, but what is it exactly? I've been pondering this a lot lately because
my "normal" is not your "normal". When I meet with others
who have chronic health conditions, personal trauma or death, I find myself
offering the only support I know and that is to "find a new normal".
Quite a few of those people have told me how much that has helped them cope
with what has happened to them. Finding a new normal has made a difference in
their live and mine as well. But I still wonder what "normal" is.
Hmm....I decided to look up the definition on Dictionary.com which defines Normal as:
- Conforming to the standard or the common type; usual; not abnormal; regular, natural.
- Serving to establish a standard
- Psychology.
- Approximately average in any psychological trait, as intelligence, personality or emotional adjustment.
- Free from any mental disorder; sane.
These are the very basics of the word that we
are taught in school but it still doesn’t explain the word to me. Just because
we conform to a common type or standard, how does that make us normal? What is
the standard or common type we are being compared to? Each other, our hair or
eye color, our fashion sense, our disease state, our actions, our decisions,
our general well-being? Too many questions to answer to find my normal. So, I
went to my go-to dictionary for the up-to-date definition: Urban Dictionary. Now
I know what kind of definitions you can find on UD (yes some of there words and
phrases are very far out there) but I feel UD gives us a good view of how
society thinks (while clarifying what my kids are saying but that’s a topic for
another day!) UD has quite a few definitions but a few really stuck out to me.
These are the ones that confirmed my idea of the word:
- An idealistic state of being that remains as such. Because the idea of such a state varies from being to being and any set standard is nonetheless someone else’s idea of what it is this condition warrants satisfactory confirmation of being amongst the confirmed members of such class, by the individuals code.
- What is "normal?" It seems as though the weirder you are, the more you fit in...so that means that weird is normal. If weird is normal, then that means that if you are normal you are weird, so in order to be normal you must be weird, which makes you normal all over again. Which is weird. It is a perpetual cycle.
- There is no such thing as normal so there really cant be a definition……
Now
that’s more like it. My idea of normal is not your idea of the same feeling. How
I feel on a day to day or week to week basis is different. Does that backache I
feel one day two weeks ago and now I feel daily, normal? It wasn’t but now it
is. My routine 10 years ago while working, exercising, and being a wife and mom
is nowhere the same normal that I live now while doing the same things and managing my health issues, doctor visits and never-ending
feeling of fatigue at the same time. When you lose a loved one, parent or
child, how do you find that “new normal” when their birthday, holidays or
anniversary comes around? You miss the life you had but struggle to find a new
way to do things, day-to-day you feel and act differently.
Do I find myself “weird”?
You bet I do! When among friends with normal health, I am weird. “Normal”
people don’t have to worry about changing their port, sweating too much that
their port covering comes loose, infusing fluids to stay hydrated, changing my
ostomy appliance, worrying about a leak or explaining health issues to others. At
the same time, I feel “normal” with those same people because of shared
interests like our kids and their activities, books we like to reach, social
media sites or just being good friends for no reason at all. But among other
SBS or nutrition compromised people, I can feel “more” normal. They understand what
my life is like because they have the same worries. They just get it. They understand
what our life is like when we try to do regular things. That’s what support
groups are about, connecting with someone who has the same “normal” as you do.
Before looking up the
definition on Urban Dictionary, I felt that my “normal” was an always evolving
state. To read another’s interpretation of the same feeling confirms for me
that “normal” is a relative feeling: it’s always changing, developing,
refreshing itself. Just like you need to hard reset your phone or computer to
start working “normally” again, we need to reset our minds and thinking to find
a way of doing things to find what works for us. Being rigid and set in our
ways won’t help us come to terms with a chronic illness that wants to run our
lives. Flexibility is key in managing the chronic illness so we control our
lives, not the other way around.
No, we can’t all be
normal…there really is no such thing, at least to Urban Dictionary but by
taking the time to connect with others, researching your options and looking to
the future, you can find the feeling of “normalcy” that works best for you.
Whatever you do, just make sure you keep Living, Loving and Laughing with the
weirdo’s around you!
Love to all,
Michelle
